I'm officially the world's worst blogger! It's been over a month since my last entry and while I'd love to promise you guys that I'm going to be more consistent in the future...I just can't do that in good conscience. My life has and probably always will be driven by my emotions (not a shock to anyone who knows me), so I'm not great at posting blogs just for the sake of posting blogs. I only write when I feel the need to write, which is weird because I have no problem talking for hours on end, about nothing particularly interesting. Maybe I should start vlogging (I'm pretty sure that's what the kids are calling it these days). I need a camera on me 24/7 and I'm kinda cute, so maybe that could work. I've done the reality competition show thing, but I'm pretty sure people would think I'm batshit crazy if they got to follow me in my daily life. There's nothing spectacular about it, other than the fact that I live it openly and honestly, sometimes to a fault. I'm really not great at keeping my mouth shut or at pulling punches and I'm learning that the people and the opportunities that I really want in my life are ok with that. I really have no idea what this post is about...maybe it's just my own version of therapy. Like I said...BATSHIT CRAZY!
So...I lost my job about a month ago and went through a few of the toughest weeks of my life. It happened out of the blue and I was fired by someone I had considered a friend, so I think that made it sting that much worse. I was raised in a time and a place where hard work and attention to detail mattered. I have always prided myself on treating others with respect, even if they weren't capable of treating me the same in return. I've spent my entire life trying to be the nice guy and believing that that would be enough, always doing my best to take the high road in tough situations. The day I was fired was a chilling reminder that I don't live in Ohio anymore. Things like hard work, integrity and loyalty don't seem to carry the same weight out here. To get ahead in this city, you need to know how to "play the game" and I wasn't doing that and it cost me...or did it?
When you work as a bartender, it's easy to live beyond your means because you believe the cash will always find it's way to you each weekend. When you're fired on a Thursday afternoon the week before bills are due...pennies couldn't find you if you had the word BANK tattooed on your damn forehead! I found this out the hard way! In my heart of hearts I knew that this could all turn out to be a blessing in disguise...an important tipping point in the story of my life and ultimately the motivation I need to fully chase my career dreams without fear or regret. In those initial weeks though, I went into a very dark place...shit was rough! Most people think I'm this fun loving guy from the midwest who just enjoys living life and hearing himself speak. While these things are very true, anyone who loves me also understands that at my core, I am much more complex than I may appear at first glance. Losing your job at any age hurts, but for me, losing my job after nearly 6 years of hustling to make it in this ridiculous city at the age of 32 was a dagger to the heart and dehabilitating blow to my ego.
Now my heart can bounce back...it's had plenty of practice over the years (thanks guys...you know who you are). But my EGO...my ego is fragile, but not in the way you might expect. Having grown up in such a small, humble community and in the Catholic school system, the word ego was essentially a bad word. I didn't understand it the way I do now. I thought the word ego was synonymous with vanity, cockiness and reserved for those who are completely self-absorbed. So...I really fought to keep my struggles to myself. I've never been one to burden the people I love with things that I need to handle on my own (even though my parents and sisters are always there to encourage me when I need it most). Looking back at the past month, I'm starting to understand that I had to go through the hard times to push myself toward something better. I know that seems like such a simple and universal concept, but for me this time was unique and just felt different.
I'm a dreamer and I've spent way too much time dreaming. Everyone dreams...but very few people take action on their dreams. I'm taking action. It's not that I wasn't doing that before, because I was, but my struggles have opened my eyes to new opportunities for happiness and success in my life. Slinging drinks for a manager that wasn't man enough to treat me with respect or aware enough to realize what I brought to the table was not me taking action on my dreams, so he really did me a favor...one that I was simply too afraid to do for myself. That's been a general theme in my life. Most of the biggest choices I've made in my life have come as the result of a relationship that didn't go the way I thought I wanted it to. At first glance that might seem to make me appear weak, but it's just the opposite. I don't crumble when those I love hurt me...I retreat, reasses, regroup & recommit to MYSELF! I am exactly who I am because of my struggles and will be able to handle such great success in my life because I am thoroughly prepared.
I start my new job Monday, my agent and manager have been busting their butts to get me some great hosting opportunities and my inner circle is smaller, but stronger than ever! My family loves me unconditionally and more importantly...they BELIEVE in me. Life is a "rocky road," I know that as well as anyone, but it's all about perspective. Some people see that statement and all they can do is focus on the hardships and the struggles that we all have to overcome daily. The problem with that approach is simple. You always get more of exactly what it is that you're focusing on. If you wake up every morning thinking about how unhappy you are...YOU WILL BE UNHAPPY ALL DAY! It's really not rocket science, but still a difficult mindset to maintain. Then there are people like me. I hear "rocky road" and the first thing that comes to mind is ICE CREAM. I have an affinity for chocolate, I've always been a little nutty and let's be honest...who doesn't love a good marshmallow from time to time?!? The past month has been a blessing...disguised as a struggle, but in actuality a big ass bowl of rocky road ice cream. Grab me a spoon...this guy's hungry!
So...I lost my job about a month ago and went through a few of the toughest weeks of my life. It happened out of the blue and I was fired by someone I had considered a friend, so I think that made it sting that much worse. I was raised in a time and a place where hard work and attention to detail mattered. I have always prided myself on treating others with respect, even if they weren't capable of treating me the same in return. I've spent my entire life trying to be the nice guy and believing that that would be enough, always doing my best to take the high road in tough situations. The day I was fired was a chilling reminder that I don't live in Ohio anymore. Things like hard work, integrity and loyalty don't seem to carry the same weight out here. To get ahead in this city, you need to know how to "play the game" and I wasn't doing that and it cost me...or did it?
When you work as a bartender, it's easy to live beyond your means because you believe the cash will always find it's way to you each weekend. When you're fired on a Thursday afternoon the week before bills are due...pennies couldn't find you if you had the word BANK tattooed on your damn forehead! I found this out the hard way! In my heart of hearts I knew that this could all turn out to be a blessing in disguise...an important tipping point in the story of my life and ultimately the motivation I need to fully chase my career dreams without fear or regret. In those initial weeks though, I went into a very dark place...shit was rough! Most people think I'm this fun loving guy from the midwest who just enjoys living life and hearing himself speak. While these things are very true, anyone who loves me also understands that at my core, I am much more complex than I may appear at first glance. Losing your job at any age hurts, but for me, losing my job after nearly 6 years of hustling to make it in this ridiculous city at the age of 32 was a dagger to the heart and dehabilitating blow to my ego.
Now my heart can bounce back...it's had plenty of practice over the years (thanks guys...you know who you are). But my EGO...my ego is fragile, but not in the way you might expect. Having grown up in such a small, humble community and in the Catholic school system, the word ego was essentially a bad word. I didn't understand it the way I do now. I thought the word ego was synonymous with vanity, cockiness and reserved for those who are completely self-absorbed. So...I really fought to keep my struggles to myself. I've never been one to burden the people I love with things that I need to handle on my own (even though my parents and sisters are always there to encourage me when I need it most). Looking back at the past month, I'm starting to understand that I had to go through the hard times to push myself toward something better. I know that seems like such a simple and universal concept, but for me this time was unique and just felt different.
I'm a dreamer and I've spent way too much time dreaming. Everyone dreams...but very few people take action on their dreams. I'm taking action. It's not that I wasn't doing that before, because I was, but my struggles have opened my eyes to new opportunities for happiness and success in my life. Slinging drinks for a manager that wasn't man enough to treat me with respect or aware enough to realize what I brought to the table was not me taking action on my dreams, so he really did me a favor...one that I was simply too afraid to do for myself. That's been a general theme in my life. Most of the biggest choices I've made in my life have come as the result of a relationship that didn't go the way I thought I wanted it to. At first glance that might seem to make me appear weak, but it's just the opposite. I don't crumble when those I love hurt me...I retreat, reasses, regroup & recommit to MYSELF! I am exactly who I am because of my struggles and will be able to handle such great success in my life because I am thoroughly prepared.
I start my new job Monday, my agent and manager have been busting their butts to get me some great hosting opportunities and my inner circle is smaller, but stronger than ever! My family loves me unconditionally and more importantly...they BELIEVE in me. Life is a "rocky road," I know that as well as anyone, but it's all about perspective. Some people see that statement and all they can do is focus on the hardships and the struggles that we all have to overcome daily. The problem with that approach is simple. You always get more of exactly what it is that you're focusing on. If you wake up every morning thinking about how unhappy you are...YOU WILL BE UNHAPPY ALL DAY! It's really not rocket science, but still a difficult mindset to maintain. Then there are people like me. I hear "rocky road" and the first thing that comes to mind is ICE CREAM. I have an affinity for chocolate, I've always been a little nutty and let's be honest...who doesn't love a good marshmallow from time to time?!? The past month has been a blessing...disguised as a struggle, but in actuality a big ass bowl of rocky road ice cream. Grab me a spoon...this guy's hungry!
