So Many Things "To Do"

I can't count how many times I've told myself there just aren't enough hours in a day to accomplish everything I set out to...that it's just not possible to accomplish certain goals without more time.  It's sort of a general theme in my life, if I'm being really honest with myself, but I don't think I'm the only person living this way.  The "lack of time" is really just a cop out (unless you're running a Fortune 500 company or raising a newborn), there is always more time.  So, I've recently decided to start reintroducing the "To Do" list into my life!  In some ways I'm very much an anti-structure kinda guy, but there is something to be said about a little self discipline that comes in the form of a sheet of paper and some ink.

Do you remember being a kid and getting so frustrated when teachers would assign seats...like you weren't completely capable of finding a place to plop your own butt each day in class.  However, and I doubt I'm only speaking for myself here, as soon as you were old enough to choose your own seat I'll bet money something interesting happened.  I bet you chose the same seat every day & I even bet it made you a little uncomfortable if you arrived to class one morning & someone else was actually sitting in "your" seat.  How weird is that?  I think this happens in part because we, as humans, tend to want what we can't have.  We don't like feeling like we're being controlled, even though when we're left to make our own choices, we actually do to ourselves what we couldn't stand our teachers doing to us.  The fact of the matter is that we need structure in our lives...WE LOVE IT.

The "To Do" list is a tool I use to bring some structure into my daily routine and for me, it gives me a sense of accomplishment every time I check something off of it.  As a matter of fact, I can't wait to finish this blog just so I can draw a red line through #12..."Write a blog."  Sorry guys, you didn't make my top 10, but doing my laundry was clearly more important (you'd understand why if you could've smelled my hamper).  I've had a lot of free time since losing my job, but never really utilized it fully until I started structuring my days.  Now don't get me wrong, I think it's still important to devote a certain amount of time each day to YouTubing videos of adorable babies laughing or watching Beyonce parodies, but with the "To Do" list all you have to do is schedule it and you won't feel like such an asshole for wasting time, because you're actually staying on task!  The list is what you make of it...so don't be afraid to put into writing what you really want.

Just to be clear though, if you spend your entire day watching Beyonce videos you will, of course, better a better human being for it, but you might also be a little bit on the crazy side.  I recommend putting a few things on your list each day that maybe you've been putting off or just didn't think you had time for.  Hold yourself accountable...it's actually pretty fun!  Having said that, and as much fun as I've had sharing my random ass thoughts with you all, it's time for me to move on to #13...."Reorganize spice cupboard!"  I CLEARLY have an exciting life...just living the dream in LA!!!  ;-)

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A Rocky Road...Minus the Marshmallows!

I'm officially the world's worst blogger!  It's been over a month since my last entry and while I'd love to promise you guys that I'm going to be more consistent in the future...I just can't do that in good conscience.  My life has and probably always will be driven by my emotions (not a shock to anyone who knows me), so I'm not great at posting blogs just for the sake of posting blogs.  I only write when I feel the need to write, which is weird because I have no problem talking for hours on end, about nothing particularly interesting.  Maybe I should start vlogging (I'm pretty sure that's what the kids are calling it these days).  I need a camera on me 24/7 and I'm kinda cute, so maybe that could work.  I've done the reality competition show thing, but I'm pretty sure people would think I'm batshit crazy if they got to follow me in my daily life.  There's nothing spectacular about it, other than the fact that I live it openly and honestly, sometimes to a fault.  I'm really not great at keeping my mouth shut or at pulling punches and I'm learning that the people and the opportunities that I really want in my life are ok with that.  I really have no idea what this post is about...maybe it's just my own version of therapy.   Like I said...BATSHIT CRAZY!

So...I lost my job about a month ago and went through a few of the toughest weeks of my life.  It happened out of the blue and I was fired by someone I had considered a friend, so I think that made it sting that much worse.  I was raised in a time and a place where hard work and attention to detail mattered.  I have always prided myself on treating others with respect, even if they weren't capable of treating me the same in return.  I've spent my entire life trying to be the nice guy and believing that that would be enough, always doing my best to take the high road in tough situations.  The day I was fired was a chilling reminder that I don't live in Ohio anymore.  Things like hard work, integrity and loyalty don't seem to carry the same weight out here.  To get ahead in this city, you need to know how to "play the game" and I wasn't doing that and it cost me...or did it?

When you work as a bartender, it's easy to live beyond your means because you believe the cash will always find it's way to you each weekend.  When you're fired on a Thursday afternoon the week before bills are due...pennies couldn't find you if you had the word BANK tattooed on your damn forehead!  I found this out the hard way!  In my heart of hearts I knew that this could all turn out to be a blessing in disguise...an important tipping point in the story of my life and ultimately the motivation I need to fully chase my career dreams without fear or regret.  In those initial weeks though, I went into a very dark place...shit was rough!  Most people think I'm this fun loving guy from the midwest who just enjoys living life and hearing himself speak.  While these things are very true, anyone who loves me also understands that at my core, I am much more complex than I may appear at first glance.  Losing your job at any age hurts, but for me, losing my job after nearly 6 years of hustling to make it in this ridiculous city at the age of 32 was a dagger to the heart and dehabilitating blow to my ego.

Now my heart can bounce back...it's had plenty of practice over the years (thanks guys...you know who you are).  But my EGO...my ego is fragile, but not in the way you might expect.  Having grown up in such a small, humble community and in the Catholic school system, the word ego was essentially a bad word.  I didn't understand it the way I do now.  I thought the word ego was synonymous with vanity, cockiness and reserved for those who are completely self-absorbed.  So...I really fought to keep my struggles to myself.  I've never been one to burden the people I love with things that I need to handle on my own (even though my parents and sisters are always there to encourage me when I need it most).  Looking back at the past month, I'm starting to understand that I had to go through the hard times to push myself toward something better.  I know that seems like such a simple and universal concept, but for me this time was unique and just felt different.

I'm a dreamer and I've spent way too much time dreaming.  Everyone dreams...but very few people take action on their dreams.  I'm taking action.  It's not that I wasn't doing that before, because I was, but my struggles have opened my eyes to new opportunities for happiness and success in my life.  Slinging drinks for a manager that wasn't man enough to treat me with respect or aware enough to realize what I brought to the table was not me taking action on my dreams, so he really did me a favor...one that I was simply too afraid to do for myself.  That's been a general theme in my life.  Most of the biggest choices I've made in my life have come as the result of a relationship that didn't go the way I thought I wanted it to.  At first glance that might seem to make me appear weak, but it's just the opposite.  I don't crumble when those I love hurt me...I retreat, reasses, regroup & recommit to MYSELF!  I am exactly who I am because of my struggles and will be able to handle such great success in my life because I am thoroughly prepared.

I start my new job Monday, my agent and manager have been busting their butts to get me some great hosting opportunities and my inner circle is smaller, but stronger than ever!  My family loves me unconditionally and more importantly...they BELIEVE in me.  Life is a "rocky road," I know that as well as anyone, but it's all about perspective.  Some people see that statement and all they can do is focus on the hardships and the struggles that we all have to overcome daily.  The problem with that approach is simple.  You always get more of exactly what it is that you're focusing on.  If you wake up every morning thinking about how unhappy you are...YOU WILL BE UNHAPPY ALL DAY!  It's really not rocket science, but still a difficult mindset to maintain.  Then there are people like me.  I hear "rocky road" and the first thing that comes to mind is ICE CREAM.  I have an affinity for chocolate, I've always been a little nutty and let's be honest...who doesn't love a good marshmallow from time to time?!?  The past month has been a blessing...disguised as a struggle, but in actuality a big ass bowl of rocky road ice cream.  Grab me a spoon...this guy's hungry!

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You're All Morons!!!

Yesterday I did what I always do on Facebook...I posted an opinion.  It was nothing more than a passing thought, definitely not something I spend my afternoons contemplating or pining over, but the immediate response I got sort of caught me off guard.  So...what better way to continue the conversation than to blog about it right?  So here goes.  This was my post.  "When I come across Facebook "friends" whose profile pic is their kids & not them...I "unfriend." Is that weird?"  I got 50 posts in a matter of minutes and EVERYONE had an opinion!  Oddly, but maybe not in fact odd at all, nearly every "Like" that I received came from my LA friends, most of whom are single.  The comments, however, came from back home.  The conversation never turned negative and I'm glad, because my post was never intended to be negative...they never are actually.  I just like sharing thoughts and hearing other perspectives.  I don't always agree with other people because let's face it, most people are morons...but yesterday was different ;-)

Now let me just be clear about something.  When I say "morons,"  and I believe that is probably the most accurate word I can use, I am very much including myself in that category.  I'm 32 years old, I pay more in rent each month than anyone back home pays for their mortgage and I am still putting myself out there every single day, only to be rejected by just about every casting director in this city, but I'm ok with at that.  I'm a moron, but I think you have to be a complete moron in order to one day become a genius.  So, YOU'RE ALL MORONS!  Lol.  I hope you find the love and motivation behind that statement and if you don't...you really are the lowest common denominator of humanity!  But...back to the topic at hand!

The comments I received yesterday were (not so shockingly) mostly from mothers & carried insights that I hadn't considered in the 9 seconds it took me to contemplate, type & share said post.  What I heard more often than not was that as a parent, your child tends to be your absolute proudest accomplishment.  Also, some mothers said they are not happy with the way they look, so they'd rather post pics of their kids.  I know that my own mom loves me, and the rest of her kids (but mostly me) more than she loves herself...it's just the kind of person that she is.  As a kid, and especially as a teenager, I was VERY MUCH ok with that!  However, that sentiment has changed now that I'm a grown ass man.  Yeh I said grown ass...what you gonna do about it?  I'm just playin ;-)  In all seriousness though, as an adult I want nothing more than for my mom to figure out how to put the focus back on her, because I'm pretty sure she hasn't done that since she was a teenager and that tends to be the case for a lot of mothers.  To some degree it may just be that I don't understand because I'm not a parent...I seriously can't even keep a plant alive!  But I also know that for many people, women in particular, it's just easier to focus your love on someone else than it is to take care of yourself.  We all need love others...we all need to nurture and care for others, but we ALL need to do those things for ourselves from time to time too.  

I'm not a parent (if that comes as a shock to any of you then you haven't been paying attention the past 32 years), but I do know what it's like to give all of my heart to others and get little in return.  From what I can tell, that tends to be a general theme in parenthood!  I've learned during the past year in particular that it is ok to be a little selfish from time to time, it's ok to want more out of life and it's ok to let go of the people who aren't around to make your life better.  There is ALWAYS enough love to go around!  Just look at that creepy family will the 242 little kids that all wear khakis and look alike...the Duggers I think.  There are so many damn kids in that family they could start a small town, but they seem full of love.  Loving one one child does not mean you love another child less and it should never mean that you stop loving yourself.  So, before I sound too preachy, I'll just say this.  STOP BEING A MORON AND START LOVING YOURSELF...IT MIGHT BE THE MOST GENIUS DECISION YOU EVER MAKE!


Side Note:  If you like my blog...PLEASE share with your friends & family!  Ask them to help me out by subscribing & I'll do my best to keep you entertained!  

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Waaaah Waaaah...

Sooooo...didn't exactly win either category (congrats to Shira Lazar and What's Trending), but the IAWTV nominations and awards ceremony were more than enough to make me proud and motivate me to keep it pushin' in 2013.  I'm pretty hard on myself sometimes and while I always expect the best of myself (and that is ok), last night was a reminder that there is much work to be done (and that is also ok).  I took my first hosting class almost one year ago to the day of the awards show last night...so I shouldn't hang my head too low.  There were so many insanely talented and creative people there last night that I can't wait to get back to LA to start working on some new projects of my own!  I know I have the potential to do some really cool stuff in this industry and as long as I work hard every day and continue to surround myself with the right people...my day will come, but dammit it sure would've been cool to walk on that stage!  Lol.

I feel like life is a serious of awakenings and last night definitely awakened something inside me.  A desire to be better and to do more and oddly enough, I'm pretty sure it awakened Momma Kath and my little sis too.  I'm serious...I think it actually, literally awakened them because I'm pretty sure they fell asleep a couple times during the show.  Let's be honest, the internet is great but we're old and had no idea who most of the nominees even were!  The important thing is that they were wide awake and screaming like maniacs at a rock concert every time my name was announced and face was shown...they made me proud!  They're certain the whole thing was rigged and that I was robbed.  I could've been up against Ryan Seacrest and Tom Bergeron and I'm pretty sure they would've still expected me to win...and that's why I love them!

I know in my heart that some day I will be nominated right alongside my role models and know that my family isn't just appeasing me when they say they believe the same, they actually do believe it too.  I just hope they're not nodding off when I tearfully give my acceptance speech for my first Emmy win some day, but then again nothing my family does ever surprises me and rarely upsets me for more than a moment, because under it all they love me unconditionally and to be honest...they crack me the F*CK up!  So, from where I'm sitting (and I am actually sitting right now)...I'm already a winner!

My lovely co-host Kristyn Burtt & I on the red carpet!

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VEGAS BABY!!!

I'm just going to start this post by saying how great it is to be out of LA for a minute...and it's also not bad spending someone much needed and always appreciated time with the fam.  We're not all together (that doesn't happen as much as I'd like), but I've got Momma Kath, Papa Steve and Sister Sledge...so not doing too bad.  Lol.  I'm actually nominated for not one, but two hosting awards (my first nominations ever), so my family is here to support...because that's how we roll.  I'm up for Best Live Host with my beautiful co-host Kristyn Burtt as well as Best Live Show for our work on AfterBuzz TV's So You Think You Can Dance last summer.  I'm not gonna lie...I'm pretty proud of it and can't help but get a little teary eyed thinking about my family and how they ALWAYS support my dreams...I'm a lucky guy!  The chances of a win tonight are slim and that doesn't bother me at all actually.  I'm a super competitive guy, but in this scenario I'm just humbled to even be recognized and up against such talented hosts.  Don't get it twisted though...I will win awards some day, just maybe not today ;-)

One thing I can promise you...THIS DUDE GONNA LOOK FLY TONIGHT!!!  Kari and her boyfriend Jason got me the sickest midnight blue velvet blazer and pants for Christmas and you know I will rock that look tonight (again...it's how we roll)!  I love getting dressed up and going to special events with these people.  I usually end up slurring my speech and telling everyone how much I love them, Mom will laugh til she cries and swear she's not drunk all night, Steve will undoubtedly crack open that Black Velvet whisky we snagged at the liquor store yesterday and Kari, as always, will be my ridiculous partner in crime...just the way I like it!  The bloody mary bar is stocked, my blazer is pressed and Kari's hair extensions are in...shit's about to get real!  I'll do my best to update you guys tomorrow and let you know how it all played out and there will definitely be some fun pics...I'm sure my family will not disappoint me in the embarrassing stories department...somehow, they never do.

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Missed Shots

It's a new year and according to social media, every single person I know is about to own the world in 2013!  I understand the need to feel important and relevant and I'm just as guilty as the next guy for letting the world know how #BLESSED or #MOTIVATED I am, but in all honesty if those things were really an ever present reality in our lives, would we really need to constantly let everyone know?  And why is it that we all wait for "occasions" to make meaningful, positive changes in our lives?  "I'll start my diet on Monday."  "When I turn 30 I'm really going to hit the gym."  "2013 belongs to me!"  It's all just so weird to me, yet here I am blogging about it on social media...go figure.

I don't have all the answers to life's greatest mysteries and I can't tell you if you're going to lose 400lbs this year or make your first 50 million, but I do know this.  Since I was a young (and incredibly adorable boy), I've felt different.  Curious about the world, destined for greatness and uhappy with the status quo.  I've never been a fan of blending in and to this day cannot understand why anyone would ever want to simply exist in this world...but I do understand why it happens.  FEAR.  "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself."  Aren't those the famous words of wisdom FDR shared with us all those years ago? (I was NOT alive yet...just so we're clear)  For my "pretty" friends...FDR was an American President ;-)  I'm not sure where or when I first heard it, but I've known that quote since I can remember and just like so many things in life, I've never really taken the time to think about it...until now.

FEAR separates the boys from the men, the thinkers from the doers, the watchers from the active participants.  FEAR keeps entire nations at bay, it keeps societies from progressing, but most importantly it keeps US from growing as individuals.  I remember reading one time that Michael Jordan missed over 9,000 shots in his career.  9,000 SHOTS!!!  That's insane to me, but you know what it really means?  HE MADE ALMOST 9,000 SHOTS!!!  He ended his career with a shooting percentage around 47%, but do you know what his percentage would have been if he hadn't taken any of those shots because he was too afraid?  ZERO.  That sounds so obvious, but think about it and apply it to your daily life.  How many times have you had a dream or an urge to try something new, but decided against it because you were afraid what others might think of you or because you simply couldn't envision your dreams becoming a reality?  I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess I'm not the only guy with unfinished business.  So instead of making broad proclamations for a 2013 that will be the greatest, most extraordinary year of all time (or at least that's what others will think because you'll let them know via Facebook, Instagram and Twitter), why not try something new?  Maybe try tackling your fears, no matter how big or how small they may seem to you.

If you've always wanted to write a book, even if it never gets published...you should start writing.  If you've always wanted to ask a certain someone out, but have been too afraid...you should ask.  If you aren't happy at your job and dream of something more...take a leap of faith and send out that resume.  You don't need to know how you're going to reach a goal, you simply need to set it and focus on it and the rest will fall into place.  It's the simplest and yet the most complex concept.  I have to remind myself almost daily that I need to be fearless and get out of my own way so that I can accomplish my dreams.  No one else in your life needs to understand and if they are not supportive, drop them!  I know how harsh that sounds, but it really is that simple.  Set honest goals, be very clear about them and be fearless.  I often explain the concept like a cross country road trip.  You know where you're going, but not exactly sure how to get there...but that doesn't stop you from turning on the engine.  When night falls you may not be able to see what's 100 yards ahead, but then again you don't need to.  Keep moving in the direction of you destination and the headlights will show you where to go.

I know I haven't blogged in a while and I'm usually charming, hilarious and charming (that was not a typo), but sometimes I think some straightforward chit chat is what we all need.  I'm pretty sure this blog is more for me than for any of my tens and tens of readers...but I'm cool with that.  I'm on a damn budget and this shit's way cheaper than therapy!  So just believe in yourself, know that you are extraordinary, dream big and give those dreams a shot...you might just surprise yourself ;-)

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A South Carolina Surprise!

So...it's been a minute since my last blog, but I've got a lot to catch you guys up on.  I'm just coming off one of the best weeks of my life and it had nothing to do with my career & EVERYTHING to do with my family.  A few weeks ago my mom had this great idea to somehow get our entire crew together for a surprise family vacation (this hasn't happened since Disney World 1997...during the start of El Nino).  My pops is about to turn 50 & she really wanted to surprise him...so she hounded us relentlessly until she made it happen.  I would've blogged from the cabin (it was literally in the middle of NOWHERE & looked like it came straight out of a horror movie...which I not so secretly loved), but the place had NO CABLE & NO INTERNET!!!  I mean seriously?!?  I love roughing it as much as the next guy, but a family vacay with no contact from the outside world during week 1 of the Olympics...I really had to put on my big boy pants & remind myself how much this trip meant to my mom (I really just wanted to whine like a baby).  My big sis Chris & my niece Brooke picked me up at the airport in Columbia, SC (I somehow convinced her a 10 hour drive through the mountains at 1am would be fun) & we got to the cabin around 2:30AM.  We were so sure we would meet certain death on the drive through the woods that we were just giddy by the time we got to the "cabin in the woods."  Mom text me & told me to call her when we arrived so she could act surprised, because the rest of my sibs wouldn't be arriving 'til the next day & she wanted my pops to think my sis & I were acting solo.  I'm pretty sure my mom could've been an actress because her shocked face at the door deserved nothing short of an Oscar!  It was hard not to laugh, but I'm pretty sure her tears were real (she really missed me), so it was easy for me to stay in character.  In the first 24 hours, my sister Chris & I learned that we're not only bad liars...we're downright TERRIBLE!  We slipped up sooo many times & although my dad acted surprised when everyone else showed up the next day...I'm still convinced he knew all along.  We spent the week on the jet skis, swimming, tubing, knee boarding, attempting to wakeboard (our jet skis couldn't seem to get my 6'5 ass up).  We cooked family dinners, played "Chubby Bunny" by the bonfire (don't ask) & DRANK!  No one in my family is really a big drinker anymore (although my mom does love a lil Reggae Red "wine"...again, don't ask), but every now & then when we all get together lightning strikes & we morph into the wildest bunch of crazies you could imagine.  I thought one celebratory shot of Jack Daniels seemed appropriate, but that 1 shot quickly turned into 5 & things rapidly deteriorated from there.  We went from zero to hero in about 2.2 seconds & the night quickly reached legendary status...on par with the great Rock Band fiasco of Christmas 2009 & the Lake Festival sisterhood car trunk ride of 2011!  I can't divulge ALL of our family secrets, but I will say that the evening (we were actually up til about 5am) involved a deer, a crocodile, a Yeti, a raft, pilgrims & a nervous mother yelling from a balcony (I found my underwear on the dock the next morning...not weird at all).  And although our shenanigans the rest of the week never again quite lived up to the antics of that first night together (mostly because we were all hung over for a solid 2 days), every minute with my family was priceless & something I needed VERY much.  I love LA & I understand that I need to be here right now, but last week reminded me of the simpler things in life...the more important things in life.  I didn't miss the Olympics once (congrats Gaby Douglass...btw) & I can't think of the last time I smiled so much in such a short period of time.  I really am just a simple country boy at heart & I needed that reminder.  LYBMF (if you know what that means...you're important to me).  ;-)

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